YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
