Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
