She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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