Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
