and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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