i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
