where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
