I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
