I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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