Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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