Do you still have your period?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
