I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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