Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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