I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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