haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize