PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
