Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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