He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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