We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
