i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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