just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
