So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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