His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
