how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am one with the molecules
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
