I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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