I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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