stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
