just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
