if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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