i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
