My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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