I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
