I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
