I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
