Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
