highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
nutella sex= disaster
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
