My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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