oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
