I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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