Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
