currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
