I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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