and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
