how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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