i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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