God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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