and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
