Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
