Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way