All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN