Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
