Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
