When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
did i just pee glitter
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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