Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
