im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
