you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
