i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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