friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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