Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize