At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
